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Seek and You shall Find, Knock and It Shall be Opened to You
My initial seeking for God began with a simple prayer when I was in elementary school. One evening, I bowed down on my knees and made my request. "God, I do not know You, but please reveal Yourself to me. How can I get to know You? Today, there are so many places that worship You...it's very confusing. Which one is the 'right' one? Please don't let me waste my time wandering. Please lead me and clearly show me which is Your choice." This is my testimony of how He faithfully answered my prayers.
At the age of twelve, I was saved through a friend of the family who met with the local church in Berkeley. After presenting the gospel, she helped me to offer a simple prayer to receive the Lord as my Savior and life. This was His first step in answering my prayer. Although I did not have any rush of emotion, I found that I really enjoyed praying to Him. Almost every night I would kneel by my bed and offer a prayer. When I was in elementary school, we had quiet time in the beginning of class to pray. I began to treasure those times, and wished those times were longer.
However, since I was the first member in my family to have some interest in the Bible and desire to meet with other Christians, most of my early experiences in the local church were quite limited. The family through which I had been saved lived in a different city. So most of my early church experiences consisted of a few Sunday Bible meetings and bi-annual local church retreats. Though my meeting with the believers was limited, He continued to show His faithfulness, as I was baptized in one of the retreats.
Nevertheless, there was still a longing to have regular meetings with Christians. In my hometown was a non-denominational Christian group to which my junior high classmate invited me. I went to a few summer sessions about the Bible. There were a lot of activities and the people were very kind. But as I entered into high school, I needed something more. My good friends in junior high were going to go to a private school and I was left alone. Furthermore, my high school was quite rough—being influenced by alcohol, smoking and parties. This was a very difficult time for me. My parents did not understand the difficulties I was facing. Time and time again, I cried out to Him for comfort and relief. He answered in His own way and own time.
By my sophomore year, I was able to drive a car. Finally, I had the means to attend more Christian meetings! I drove to the church gatherings in my hometown. However, to my disappointment, most of the gatherings were more like social gatherings with very little focus on the Bible. I recall going to a Sunday meeting in the Christian gathering in my hometown so thirsty for even reading a few Bible passages. The Bible session consisted of just a booklet with pictures of Jesus and warnings about hell. I needed companions with whom I could seek Christ, not social gatherings! I needed the truth, which could set me free!
The friend of the family from the local church would occasionally call and encourage me to attend some of the young people’s meetings in a neighboring city. I had declined several offers since I did not personally know the people meeting in the nearby city. Finally, after a few months, I decided to go. That night, my desperate cries were answered. I walked into a small home where about 10 people were gathered. They were singing hymns and calling on the name of the Lord. It wasn't a loud or an outwardly impressive meeting, but these believers were genuinely seeking Him! I was so peaceful and satisfied. I was home at last!
Through the faithful labor and ministry of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee, I have enjoyed the continual supply, light and opening of His Word. These brothers have been faithful to speak not only the words of grace in a rich and abundant way, but also are faithful to speak the word of righteousness in their publications. Time and time again, when I wander away from Him, I just open to this ministry and faithfully it brings me back to Christ and His purpose and ultimate goal, the New Jerusalem. Time and time again, I am reminded to be faithful to what God has graciously given.
Furthermore, from this ministry I have realized that to be a Christian is more than just salvation from the lake of fire, and more than just doing good works. How wonderful it is that I am redeemed, but much more I am being saved in Christ's Life (Rom. 5:10). He today is the life-giving Spirit to supply my spirit with the divine life that enables me to do what I cannot do. I can grow in the divine life by enjoying the riches of His Word as my milk and solid food in order to reach full maturity. More importantly, to be a Christian is not an individual matter. He has broken down the middle wall of partition not only to have a peaceful relationship between all peoples, but to build up the Body of Christ that consummates in the New Jerusalem.
Throughout the centuries, the Lord has revealed Himself and His purpose to His believers. I know that for myself, it would take many, many years to absorb and digest all the unveiling of God's Word. I am thankful for both Watchman Nee and Witness Lee's diligence to stand on the shoulders of those who went before, to whom God had revealed His Word.
Ingrid Ma
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